Here is another atypical Happy Monday post for you – another obituary that was taken from an Indiana newspaper. Happy Monday!
“Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse. He met the love of his life, Kathy, by telling her he was a lineman — he didn’t specify early on that he was a lineman for the phone company, not the NFL. Still, Kathy and Terry wed in the fall of 1969, perfectly between the Summer of Love and the Winter of Regret. He was a renowned distributor of popsicles and ice cream sandwiches to his grandchildren. He also turned on programs such as ‘Phineas and Ferb’ for his grand-youngins, usually when they were actually there. He despised ‘uppity foods’ like hummus, which his family lovingly called ‘bean dip’ for his benefit. Terry died knowing that The Blues Brothers was the best movie ever, (young) Clint Eastwood was the baddest-ass man on the planet, and hot sauce can be added to absolutely any food.
Terry Ward was a Thornridge High School graduate from South Holland, Ill., where only three of his teachers took an early retirement after having him as a student. He was a Vietnam War veteran who retired from AT&T after 39 years of begrudging service, where he accumulated roughly 3,000 rolls of black electrical tape during the course of his career, which he used for everything from open wounds to ‘Don’t touch this button’ covers. Survivors include Ward’s overly-patient and accepting wife Kathy, who was the love of his life, a fact she gladly accepted sympathy for during their 48 years of marriage. Ward was preceded in death by a daughter, Laura Pistello, who died three years before her father, a 1972 Rambler and a hip.
Memorial donations in Terry’s name can be made to your favorite charity or your favorite watering hole, where you are instructed to tie a few on and tell a few stories of the great Terry Ward.